Sunshine’s Place

“Think it until you make it” – by Stephen Johnson

That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our life as fate. – Carl Gustav Jung

“The higher the pain number, the more dysfunction is associated with it, both physically and emotionally.” This quote is from the book Managing Pain Before It Manages You – by Margaret A. Caudill

I’m going to welcome 2021. It will have to be better than 2019 and 2020. We have had the wildfires, we have had COVID-19, we have had the pandemic, we have had riots and destruction. There’s not much left that we haven’t had in 2019 and 2020, so let’s pray that this year will not be a repeat of the last two years.

Don’t get me wrong there have been wonderful things that happened in 2019 and 2020, but everything else kind of supersedes that because it’s so horrific. There has been so many deaths and the destruction for no apparent reason except to be destructive. There have been things that have been said and done, but I don’t think any of it is worth what has happened to our city, states, and our country. Some will say yes and some will say no. I understand the frustrations that most have felt and the isolation that we have all felt.

If you are reading this blog remember this is just my opinion. And I certainly am not trying to discount anything or things that have been said. I am just stating my opinion and how I feel.

My physical pain is a better today! My emotional pain is still strong.

Emotional pain is almost harder for me to deal with than the physical pain. My emotions take over sometimes. It is really hard to shake them most times, because of my flashbacks. My therapist gave me the name of a book he wants me to read. It is called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. He wants me to read the whole thing and especially Chapter 8, because it has Steps on how to deal with flashbacks. Hopefully the book will help me and my flashbacks.

I have been having a lot of pain this past week. I think it may be a flare. Although, I did fall on Saturday, so I don’t know for sure if it is a flare or the fall. I am trying to schedule a massage and that is turning into a hassle. I haven’t had a massage for several weeks now, I really need one. My massage therapist does a really good job of getting my connective tissue to relax and not be as stuck. You can’t beat a good massage therapist that can really get into the muscle and unlock it.

Movement really does help with the pain, if you can get past the initial pain of getting up and moving. My pain is the worst in the morning when I try to get out of bed, once I get up and move most days it does get better. I also take Lyrica and one of my doses is in the morning, some days it helps and others it doesn’t.

Another thing people don’t realize is how much your emotions play into your pain and Fibromyalgia. If I am upset in anyway my pain gets worse. If I can work with my emotions and try to figure out the facts, sometimes that will help my pain.

Stress also raises my pain levels. My Complex-PTSD can really complicate my pain! When I can keep my stress levels down and my Complex-PTSD in check, it can really help reduce my pain levels as well.

The books I have been reading and studying have really helped educate me and has helped with my pain and anxiety about my pain. It doesn’t take the pain away it just helps me understand my pain more and how to work with it instead of against it.

My husband got me a new iPad for Christmas! I am so excited! He also got me a pencil that writes on the iPad so I don’t have to type I can just write what I want to say. Maybe it will encourage me to blog more.

It is really hard not to worry or catastrophize or both! Distractions sometimes help me and sometimes it doesn’t. People don’t understand and sometimes I hear oh just let it go or you’re catasrophizing again. If you need someone to talk to that understands I am available just email me through this site.

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“You don’t have to stay in a trigger and you don’t have to leave either, just use it as information.”

From the book The Body Keeps the Score – by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

“When the fever subsides I realize I can handle it, but a part of me doubts that I can. The pole to the past is strong; it is the Darkside of my life; and I must well there from time to time. The struggle may also be a way to know that I survive a – re-playing of the fight to survive – which apparently I won, but cannot own.” From the book – The Body Keeps the Score – Nancy’s story

I can relate to this quotation

As you gain ownership over your physical sensations, you also begin to be able to tell the difference between past and present.

From the Body Keeps the Score – book by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

From the book

One reason traumatic memories become dominant in PTSD is that it is so difficult to feel truly alive right now. When you can’t be fully here you go to the places where you did feel alive even if those places are filled with horror and misery.

Faulty alarm systems that lead to blowups or shutdowns in response to innocuous comments or facial expressions