Emotional Prison

I discovered today that I am in an emotional prison! I am locked up in the past and I can’t get out. My inner critic is the judge, jury, guard, and has the authority to let me out. I don’t deserve to be in prison, the people who caused my trauma are the ones that need to be there not me. I need to take back my life, get rid of my inner critic and get out of my emotional prison! I have a long healing journey still ahead of me and I will take it one baby step at a time. I also need to remember that when I take two steps forward and one step backwards, that I am still making progress. The journey is not easy and takes a lot of strength that some days I don’t think I have. Then I remember I am worth it and I dig a little deeper and move a baby step forward. I am a survivor and I deserve to be happy and emotionally healthy! I didn’t deserve what happened to me I am not damaged goods or grotesque because of what I went through! I am beautiful and so are you! Our battle scars are not ugly they are proof that we are survivors and they are beauty marks!

I recommend the book Beauty Marks by Linda Barrick. It is an amazing book! You can get it in audio form, as well as paperback.

Published by Sunshine

I am a survivor! I want to help victims and other survivors heal with the resources I used, my experiences and my successes. I want you to know you are not alone! C-PTSD is real and for the most part unseen when you look at me! After I was diagnosed it was a wow moment and made most of my life make sense. I was also diagnosed with general anxiety, ADHD with dyslexia, Hypoglycemia and OCD. All of these can complicate each other. I wish I would have been diagnosed when I was a kid and not at 50 years old. If it wasn’t for my husbands incredible insurance I believe I would still be struggling with not knowing why I felt the way I did and do inside. After my kids were out of the house and I no longer had them to take care of daily and I had more alone time, all of the above came to life in a big way. Don’t get me wrong it effected my kids in a big way also, but I didn’t see it until it was too late. Now I am slowly trying to rebuild and gain their trust back. If I had one do over wish, it would be to remove all the emotional abuse, traumatic situations and stresses I caused them! I got remarried yet again. I got married to my very resilient loving husband Kenny on December 21, 2016. It has been a struggle for both of us to deal with my C-PTSD. My biggest fear is yet again being abandoned emotionally and/or physically again because of the lack of understanding of my disabilities. We have gone through a few counselors, church counseling and have finally found one for me that is helping and not hindering because they didn’t truly understand how C-PTSD effects every aspect of your life especially your relationships. I got my service dog Mayze(Mayzee) April 16, 2017, she was 11 weeks old and started training at 13 weeks after we had bonded really well. She is a half European and half American Great Dane. My husband trained her to detect and alert me for my Hypoglycemia and I trained her with what I needed for my C-PTSD. There is a rare time that you won’t see Mayze and I together. The end of December 2018, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and she is learning yet another skill to help me. It is very discouraging that having a service dog has become the new fad and people buy a vest off the internet just so they can take their dogs into stores and other places pets can’t go. I will put more information on my service dog page regarding this sad issue. I want to become an advocate not only for people with real Service Dogs, but also for businesses.

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